


darling, i have loved you

by nikatsu



Series: Polar Opposites Attract (A Changmin x YoonA collection) [4]
Category: Dong Bang Shin Ki, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 21:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikatsu/pseuds/nikatsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is their story; how it came to be that two individual beings who'd always just drifted from each other came crashing into place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. with her, he laughed

With her, he laughed a little louder, smiled a little longer and spoke a little softer. His eyes were brighter when they cascaded on her figure walking towards him with her shining smile, unknowing that every time she did ( _look his way, speak his way, smile his way_ ), she prodded a knife into his heart.

Yoona greeted him, a bright laugh bubbling from her lips as she stopped in front of him – her toes directed right at his as his was pointed at her. He knew that it wasn't as much as platonic and meaningless as it seemed, but it was something. And _something_ from Im Yoona always counted.

So maybe he should tell her? Shim Changmin had never really had much trouble with women. Much being the relatively exaggerated term because he’d hardly needed to say a word to have any gorgeous woman’s number tucked into his pocket the moment he said ‘Hello’. He had the courage to walk up to any woman and in minutes have her crying, panting, screaming underneath him, but could he tell _her_ he loved her in a way she could understand? Could he tell her something serious like that and not have her misinterpret his feelings as a something platonic – or worse, a joke?

Shim Changmin was a number of things: a womanizer, playboy, carrier of all things _godly_ and _awesome._ But he was never one for grand gestures, and it would take a very loud proclamation to receive Yoona's attention. Public speeches, fireworks, airplane-hooked banners in the sky—they were all things of Minho's or Yunho's forte. They were things _romantic_ men did.

_Pfft_. Romantics. Why spend all that time and hard earned money on those sorts of things when one could just stand against a wall, brood and score chicks?

Right.

And then he turned his head to look at Yoona and all previous thoughts condensed into thin air. One smell of her perfume or a subtle brush of her skin against his was enough to leave him in an unforgiving trance. The kind of trance he would have laughed at if he were at the other side of the room and calling this bad caricature of himself (pining over some girl with doe-eyes and silky skin) out as a pushover.

Changmin sighed inwardly, clasping his hands on the table in front of him. Even brooding was out of the question for him now—he didn't want to seem weak. In fact, he refused to show weakness, refused to show anything at all, really. Especially not in front of her, not when she was around to see.

Because he feared the day that his laughs would boom too loudly into her ears, that his smile would last too long for her eyes, or that his voice would not spew into anything but a whisper only she could hear—that Yoona would realize how he felt about her and would be chased away.

Because Changmin knew Yoona. More or less, behind the public’s eye. Because ever since Kibum left to lead a life that didn’t include being an idol – caught in between scandal after scandal, she’d changed.

She was scared of being vulnerable; scared of feeling   _sixteen_ , worthless; scared of just being a pretty face; scared of having someone have complete hold of her; scared of placing too much trust into someone's hands. And while the others found her smart, funny, and a bearer of long legs that looked great in shorts (or any apparel), he knew all of this and _more_.

She was loud, honest, and saw through more of him than he was comfortable admitting to and everything she said did not fail to capture his senses in one way or another.

Sometimes Changmin's mind wandered to her, wondering what she was doing, if she were okay in God knows what country and if she needed anything, _anything_. And when he was naive enough in his times wondering alone, he would ponder the idea of Yoona thinking of him, of her dreaming of him. Because he already thought and dreamed of her for too many long hours to count and it killed him slowly.

Somehow they didn't seem enough.

They were never enough.


	2. this wasn't what she wanted

Yoona looked at him from the corner of her eye, watching him take a thorough swig of his beer. She watched as his eyes closed for a brief moment, savoring its taste and finding it to his liking before she caught herself from taking a step forward to reach out to him.

It seemed that lately all she had been doing was this – watching him from a distance and doing nothing but stay rooted in her spot. Stuck immobile somehow as her eyes dipped and perused ever shift and crease he made in his movements. It started out as nothing at first but quickly grew into something… _more_.

And it was then she began to realize that this _wasn't_ what she wanted.

No, Im Yoona didn't want to have her eyes linger on Changmin – she wanted to _feel_ his presence. To have him speak in her direction, so that she could _feel_ his warm breath caressing her cheek in case she leaned close enough. She wanted to _feel_ his eyes on her and relish on the tinkling sensation that trickled down her spine when he did. She wanted to feel his skin brush against hers when they sat together (however rare that was) because she found his touch heavenly and she always, always wanted more…

But Yoona didn't understand why.

What was it about Changmin that she enjoyed his company and his laughter and his smiles? What was it about him she found too irresistible when they’d hardly spoken past the usual pleasantries in years since Kibum?

Sometimes, she thought she had him all figured out, and yet at the next moment she knew close to nothing about him.

Changmin was always such an enigma. He was always too – himself to fully comprehend.

Yoona turned her head to gaze at him once more while the rest of the group laughed at some fatuous quip Yunho had just said. She could hardly remember why she’d agreed to come out in the first place, when there were schedules to worry about and people to meet the next day. She would have rather stayed in for the night if it weren’t for Yuri’s incessant pushing or Sooyoung’s moans of ‘wanting to go out’. It seemed unfair to be honest, because the two had left her the moment they’d arrived – Yuri to play cards with Yesung in the corner, and Sooyoung arguing with Kyuhyun at another – and leaving her to fend for herself in  _his_ presence.

Changmin's face wore a lazy laugh and his eyes sparkled underneath the dim lights. His gaze set her body on fire the minute he caught her staring at him, and he smirked. Yoona could have punched him right then and there, but she didn’t. She let it slide for now because it had sparked something within her, and she hadn't felt that way since...

Kibum had been her first love, the boy she had pined for when she was sixteen; and Donghae had been her first real boyfriend, the first boy she had really liked years after – except when Yoona tried to recall events of the nights they had left her ( _for good, for something more with another_ ), all she could remember was Changmin.

She remembered Changmin and his eyes boring into hers. Changmin laughing awkwardly as he sat down next to her while she cried.

She remembered his warmth, his scent as he comforted her and the softness of his lips when he’d leaned down to speak and she’d raised her head at the same time. She remembered how he held her at both times, cupping her cheek (awkwardly) the first night and then more boldly on the second. She remembered the way his hands traveled over her body, stroking every inch of her, and the way his mouth breathed into her, breathed _life_ into her, making her heart tug and pull for _him_.

It was by accident really; what had transpired between them (albeit unspoken of once morning came to rise) wasn’t planned to create anything new – but it had sparked the beginnings of something she couldn’t quite say. When she remembered those nights – Yoona knew that, at the time, nothing had ever felt more _right_.

She looked down at her beer bottle, noticing how her lip gloss kept smearing against the rim and bit her lip. She tasted copper and cherry and felt as though the world dropped its’ weight onto her shoulders. _This isn't fair, this isn't what I want._

Yoona sighed, setting it down before excusing herself to go to the bathroom and standing up. His fingers brushing against her arm as she moved on weakened limbs, pretending to seem like she didn't _feel_ Changmin's gaze on her retreating form as she walked away from their table – hot and bothered by the tingling his touch elicited on her skin.

His gaze never told her anything.

And for the nth time since those nights, she wished she knew what he was thinking.


	3. he has to tell her

“Hey,” said Changmin, sliding into the seat across from her.

Tonight was _the night_ , he decided, although he couldn't remember precisely when it was he told himself it would be so.

Yoona looked up, her fingertips lightly grazing the side of her empty beer bottle. It was evident that she had been sitting alone, he mused, noting the way she’d stretched her legs out in front of her on the floor. It was a Wednesday night, after all and there was a party going on. She had no where else to go for it was too late in the evening (or too early in the week) to be out anywhere besides home.

And SM was her home, his home, _their home_ – whether they liked it or not.

Her eyes looked tired, clad in sweat pants and a loose shirt; her brown tresses pushed back into a messy ponytail, while most of her make-up had smeared off and left a messy trail against her skin.

Changmin thought she looked beautiful.

“Hello, Changmin.”

And _still_ , she managed to smile a sweet grin for him.

A nervous fluttering came about inside of him – pushing, twirling, screaming to be let out as blood rushed to his ears and began to pound. He shut his eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath as he settled next to her, legs stretched out as well and thinking it over. _This is wrong, this is wrong_ , his mind argued, chastising him.

_But then why does it feel so right_?

“Yoona,” he started, turning to look at her and watching concern etch her features. Her eyebrows scrunched up in interest as he opened his lips again, “there's something I need to tell you.”

She nodded soundlessly, urging him to go on and ignoring an ominous feeling swell within her stomach. She distracted herself from the feeling by looking down at her bottle awkwardly; avoiding his eyes as his breath came in warm puffs against the tendrils of hair on her forehead.

Changmin thought back to the night he had almost told her this, told her he _loved_ her in the quiet of the night and watched her misconceive it, thinking of Kibum instead.

He winced inwardly, angry almost. As if Kibum would be the only man to ever have her in his arms. As if Kibum was the only one who was allowed to ( _hold her, kiss her, want her_ ) love her.

_I could love you too_ , Changmin’s heart murmured, _I already do_.

Perhaps it was fate's way of telling him that he and Yoona weren't meant for each other – at least on that night they’d shared in dark comfort and drunken passion. Because, really, since when did he ever believe in things being part of any _fate_ or _destiny_?

But he has to say it. He has to tell her. He would _scream_ it even, if it were the only way for her to truly understand him.

“Yoona, I—” Changmin spoke abruptly; his voice escalating dangerously loud it made her eyes snap back up to him. He did this purposely so that her gaze (her attention) would follow him and stay.

Suddenly all of the room fell silent. The numerous private conversations halting at once as each of their friends and colleagues turned their heads, leaving an unsettling silence in the air as the pair stared wide-eyed at each other. All eyes were on them now; and everyone waited.

_Oh god,_ this was turning into a sappy movie scene _._

“What is it, Changmin?” Yoona asked, her hands gripping her beer bottle closely, knuckles turning ghost white and trembling. If she wasn't so concerned about what he had to say, then she would have seen the numerous pairs of eyes watching their every move.

Changmin reached blindly for her shivering hands.

Breathe, goddamn it; inhale— _exhale_ —inhale;

“ _I love you_.”

The intensity in his eyes went from unchanged to unconsumed to unblinking to _twinkling_ in a matter of seconds, capturing her paralyzed in her seat. He gazed at her soundlessly, his lips twitching like mad (like her heart) as though he wanted to say more but – what more could he say but the truth?

Time ticked on, the room deadly still – no one dared to move or talk or respire.

“What?” Yoona gasped, laughing nervously as she motioned to stand up and tried to unlatch her hands from his but to no avail, her cheeks marked with a bright red smear and he heart pounding miles and miles ahead of her. “I don't—” she gasped for breath, clutching a hand to her chest, “I-I don't know what to say.”

_I love you too, Changmin—_ would have been nice. Her lips trembled at the possibility of the words slipping from her tongue but she stopped them.

Immediately Yoona became aware of the numerous sympathetic and shocked faces around her, some colleagues giving her spiteful glares for turning down the man (who was _never_ the romantic type) publicly proclaiming that he _loved her_. But surely, they had to understand. This was... this was... _uncalled_ _for_.

This was Shim Changmin.

Tears began to sting the corner of her eyes, and his grip on her bony wrists loosened. And with it, he began to back away, clearly expecting that type of response from her. As though he was aiming for her to break down as her feelings and thoughts rushed through her in a whirlpool of amazement and doubt.

Yoona rushed out of the door seconds later; forcing, stumbling and _breaking_ her way past everyone who would dare try to stop her. And it wasn't really about running away from _him_ because he was already so far ahead of her in every way, and she knew it was ridiculous to try so hard to be mature by running, pushing, _falling_ away because it wasn't working.

No, it wasn’t accident at all – them finding each other in the midst of things familiar. They had crashed into each other on purpose and for what reason, he knew as well as her.

Changmin knew _this_ would happen. He knew it, he knew it, and still he had to _say_ it.

Yes, it might have been less painful sitting beside her and _pretending_ that he didn't love her. And for awhile it had worked for him, for her, for them—

But he'd said it because he needed to, and to take that risk he’d allowed her to be chased away.


	4. there was no striking climax

Yoona cried and cried, until she felt that she could cry no more.

She could try to make sense of it all, try to make sense of _Changmin_ – but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even find a reason to even comprehend it.

They were too different and too alike at the same time; an imperfect balance of each other, too volatile and stable to come together. He didn’t rush out and run to reach her, and she didn’t look back. There was no striking climax, no debates or fights building up to a grand, romantic finale.

Life went on as though none of it ever ensued in the first place. Like it was a joke, except it wasn’t. No, _not at all_.

He continued to look at her and Yoona continued to look back at him, but they were different and everyone could see the hefty shift:

He had gotten _too_ close and she wasn't open; wasn't _ready_ for ‘what could be’.

So Yoona ignored it, _ignored the entire declaration_ , like she ignored everything else.

And Changmin clamped his mouth shut, living on the days normally because he wasn't used to fighting for things that was never his to begin with.


	5. they were bound to each other

She walked into SM one day and for a moment, couldn't feel the comforting beat of her pulse.

Ever since Changmin's declaration of love no one had really dared to mention it to either of them. It was as if they assumed that they had both reached a mutual understanding of each other, as if everything were instantly figured out because it was the two of them: Changmin and Yoona, two poles at opposite ends that met once and should never meet again.

There was another company party and like always she looked on after him sullenly as he flirted with one busty trainee after another, her heart dropping so deep within her that she was afraid she'd never find it again. She should have known all along after all, that his proclamation was just that: a statement. A proud testimonial of temporary insanity laced with alcohol and the memory of a night spent in lust.

They had nothing to offer one another, except for her virginity which she had blindly given to him one night years ago. Because, really, who would sleep with your friend’s girlfriend the night they break up? Changmin would; he and Donghae weren’t very good friends in the first place, and she was intoxicated and needed comforting.

Donghae didn’t want her anymore and Kibum was no where to be found… but Changmin was there. He was there and he had been _gentle_. He hadn’t forced her that night; rather, she had offered herself to him.

Suddenly Yoona felt angry because it wasn't fair. She was young, and he was experienced. They never spoke of it again, but it had hovered over them ever since—she balled her hands into fists and bit back a sob erupting from her throat, turning her head away as Changmin grinned at another girl hanging onto him.

What had he expected her to do when he professed his feelings the other night? Did he expect her to have told him she loved him too? Or should she have kissed him instead? And now he had her thinking of him constantly, wasting her hours away, wondering why the hell she was only _half_ as shocked as she should have been when he said those three words.

Yes, she had wanted to kiss him, but her mind prevented her from moving. Her heart had wanted to reach out to him, but—she, herself, doubted still. She doubted _his_ words,  _her_ feelings,  _their chances._

On the other hand, Changmin had always known that life wasn't fair. He had his fair share of the deceitful things life hurled at people since he started his career, when things came to blows and the brotherhood he’d built with five others crumbled into dust because of money and greed. He’d always been so good at keeping his pain inside; laughing and making sarcastic comments along the way, even when they weren’t necessary.

He spoke in such a crude way mainly because he was fearful of the vulnerability he knew was there inside of him. He hated the thought of his own weakness, his pain. He hated it so much that he built a wall around him and never let anyone in.

Except for Yoona… on _that_ night.

When he was with her, he realized that all of his thoughts were untrue. No, he didn’t fear his own weakness and pain – rather, he was fearful of hers.

Changmin was afraid of her own vulnerability; of the power he held knowing that he could break through it anytime he wanted because he had something of hers that no one could have. And when he turned his head and caught her eyes – dark, forlorn and in despair – from across the room, he knew.

Their web was tangled and for her part, Yoona knew that her ties were better off severed from Shim Changmin.

He was hurting her without even trying. And she hated it because she had let him.

Changmin stared at her with his eyes filled with an odd mix of unbridled love and contempt, his heart lumped in his throat and squeezing so hard he could no longer speak - only watch. He winced inwardly when he recognized the raw, forlorn gleam in her eyes. He’d made her like she was sixteen again, unhappy, _unloved_.

“Yoona!” Before he knew it, he was chasing after her out of the bar, his legs striding long and fast underneath him as their colleagues watched them go past.

He caught Yoona by the wrist just as she ran down another stairwell, spinning her around and pinning her against the wall to keep her from escaping. Changmin held her in place and coaxed her to look at him; he needed her to look at him.

“Changmin, _let me go,_ ” she pleaded feebly, prying at his fingers and turning her head away from him.

“I don't want to,” he replied and the fluttering inside of him stirred once more, “and neither do you.”

“You’re right. I don't,” she admitted finally, gazing at his brilliantly glowing eyes under the harsh light at the stairwell, “But it’s a stupid thought because we can’t be together. We’re too alike and too different at the same time!”

Her tears poured freely now, tracing a wet trail on her cheek as she licked her lips and continued vigorously, “We’ll only hurt each other but I want you to tell me you love me again. I want you to hold me, and kiss me—”

He took her breath and pressed her to him, breathing her in the same way he had the first time he’d kissed her – his mouth curving over and under hers as though they were made for his lips alone. And she kissed him back forcefully as well; that much harder. It was a kiss meant to show, prove and _want_ Changmin to need her the way she realized she needed to be needed.

Because she could never, ever take feeling like she was sixteen all over again – because she could never bear another thought of having nothing to do with him when ultimately she knew that they’d already past the point of no return years ago.

They were _bound_ to each other, whether she was ready or not. _Crazily and inexplicably bound._

“I love you, Yoona.”

His warm breath mixed with her warm tears as he held her face in both his hands, and suddenly Changmin was kissing them away in the only way he knew how.

She'd taken his heart, then his life, and he didn't mind her taking it _all_.

(It was only fair. After all, he had taken all of her as well.)


	6. for now it will do

Their bodies merged in familiarity—their slick, scorching skin rubbing together as they made love slowly and earnestly on his bed. Their tangled emotions brimming over as they were joined, hands clasping as one and gasping secrets ( _confessions_ ) onto heated skin.

When it was over and they were done, Changmin pulled her into his arms wordlessly, perhaps in fear that Yoona would try to get away from him again if he let his guard down. But she doesn't. Instead, she clutched onto him and said nothing, opting to remain silent because she wasn't so sure if this was real. If this was all really _happening_ , with his arms around her torso and her lips ghosting a trail on his shoulder.

Although it felt like a surreal moment, Yoona hadn't felt any more liberated, blissful or loved than on the last time she had laid in bed with him – all those years ago.

“What are you thinking about?” Changmin asked softly, propping himself up on his elbow and leaning into her, his lips barely brushing against her ear as he spoke. He was not used to openly welcoming conversation with women after sex. Usually he just counting down the seconds before they understood that _they_ were never going to be any more than just a one night stand and left.

But he was with Yoona, and having had kissed her, _tas_ _ted_ her and made love to her again – he wasn’t about to make the same mistake and let her walk away in the morning light. No, he was going to make sure she stayed where she was: with him, wrapped in his arms.

“I’m thinking about how amazing this was,” she answered truthfully, listening to him laugh at her reply, “how amazing _you_ are.”

“Don't be so modest, Yoona, you weren't so bad yourself,” he grinned, turning over and slipping himself on top of her again – his eyes smiling as he looked down at her blushing beautifully back at him. “Better than the last time.”

Yoona wrinkled her nose and nodded, pressing a light kiss on his lips. “Absolutely.”

“Where do we stand?” Changmin questioned a second later, regaining earnestness in a heart beat.

She didn't hesitate to answer.

“We’ve lived in worlds apart for years and even though change is something I fear, I want you to know that I want to take a chance at _this_. Us. I know it’s weird and complicated and we’ll probably look like the oddest couple in the planet if this secret ever gets out to the public and oh God our fans too—” Yoona paused, pursing her lips and clearing her thoughts before continuing, “But I guess that's just it, you know. I mean, this _thing_ we have between us – this… _intensity_ I feel for you and vice versa is unfathomable and insane... but I think that's why I trust it.”

She held his cheek in her hand and kissed him slowly. Whispering words that would become the most meaningful thing she had said to another person in a long while,

“I trust _you_ , Changmin.”

It is not the three words he expects to here, but for now it will do.

For _now_ , it will do.


	7. when the time is right

When Changmin told her he cared for her ( _before_ _she felt the courage to admit that she was in love_ ), Yoona decided she'd spend the rest of her days loving him no matter the consequences.

She wasn't incisively certain when it was she realized she loved Shim Changmin, but she was with every fiber of her being and she didn’t much care for the details. Perhaps it was because she had known about it all along. That it was an internal feeling waiting to wash over her like flood when the time was right.

_I love you, Changmin_ – she practiced the words incessantly in her head.

_I love you, Changmin. I love you, I love you,_ I love you _._


	8. they will survive

Changmin didn’t know that it would take seven hours just to get permission from the Tokyo city council just so he could _light up the sky_ —if one could say even that in a more definite term after being holed up in a wooden bench waiting for the damned papers to get signed while efficiently dodging fans and the media from scoping him out in broad daylight. But Changmin must digress; for he was nothing if not dedicated and dare he say, _in love_ , hence he'd tolerate waiting a hundred more hours, his fans and the media if he had to – just as long as his plans go his way.

The city had finally into the crisp autumn air and after a brutally heated summer, he welcomed the new season with open arms and a much open heart when the first cool breeze, at long last, hit the land.

Though the past few months had been grueling at best – with his hectic schedule and constant traveling – it was still some of the best he had experienced in his life.

He had Yoona to thank and as difficult it was to say goodbye to the possibility of all women of the world coming to him effortlessly as his singleton status ceased, Changmin was definite he'd survive without them.

They’d survive because he would make sure of it.


	9. the magic unfolded

He took her for a stroll through a park in Japan one day, her hand subtly clasping his as they paced onward below the last gleaming rays of sunlight.

They weren't  _that_ sort of couple. The one to always hold hands, share desserts or whisper secrets into each other's ear. They weren’t the sickly sweet kind, but they were _something_. They were _together_.

They laughed and fought and made love right after, and as days passed it felt like maybe they'd been doing it for a thousand years.

Which isn’t entirely a bad thing because no matter how often it was they were apart, they liked knowing it was this way whenever they came flying home.

They approached a clearing somewhere east, where bushes of flowers bloomed and very few buildings flittered around. The city lights and sounds were far off, smothered by the sounds of rustling trees and crunching leaves they walked over.

Changmin turned to her, his lips barely managing to hide a smile.

“You know, Yoona,” he whistled, “I think it’s safe to say that this should have been my testimony of love right from the start.”

She was confused by the twinkle in his eyes.

“Changmin, you lost me at _‘testimony of love’_. What is it that you mean to say exactly?” laughed Yoona, her eyes scanning him suspiciously. He smirked that insufferable smirk and shrugged.

“What I mean is that I’ve never done this before but who cares.”

And before she could contemplate or question his reasoning any further, the evening sky exploded around her in a blur of color and sound.

She jerked away from him in surprise; loud noises detonating into her ears, _dazed_ as she stared slack jawed at the scene overhead. Magnificent colors sparked, fired and lit up the air above her before falling to the ground. Each new fountain of multi-color lights shone on her creamy visage, blazing off of his dark silken locks all at once.

The magic unfolded above them, taking her breath away and she knew.

Changmin was already facing her (studying her) when she turned her head towards him, her eyes watering with tears she did not notice filling her eyes. She stared at him softly as he pulled her towards him; suddenly aware of the fact she would be with him (in a _heartbeat_ ) if he ever needed her.

Which he did ( _always_ ), and Yoona knew this because she needed him too.

“I love you, Changmin,” she whispered in his ear, her tone clear and sealed. She said the words in such _finality_ that it blew whatever insecurities she had in her heart into dust – because he needed her, and wanted her, and loved her as she was, will be, _is_.

Seizing his lips with hers, she breathed _into him_ , launching herself into his arms as he stumbled back in surprise. They laughed trying to balance themselves, the fireworks beginning to die down around them.

He couldn't move or breathe or think. The world had stopped and yet he hardly noticed, because all he saw were her shimmering eyes, her swollen lips and the curve of her jawline and neck.

Changmin would love her for the rest of his life, he knew. And now he was sure what that meant.

Later that night, they made fireworks of their own.


	10. they were older now

They were older now, _wiser_ ; able to make decisions they were too naive or appalled to make before.

Yoona loved thumbing through Tiffany's old, worn out photo albums. She loved gliding her slender fingers over the faded pictures, pausing to relive every laugh, every smile, every moment.

Changmin was in nearly all of her pictures: with her kissing him on his cheek; with his arm lazily placed over her shoulder; with her pressed against him, grinning wildly at a dance… he was even in some of her unaccompanied photographs if one looked closely enough. He was always in the backdrop, gazing at her and smiling.

Sometimes she thought of herself before Changmin, reminiscing the nights she laid awake, unable to fall asleep because she wondered what kind of monster she was that made her unable to sustain any relationship for longer than one date. They would always take a step forward, and she'd end up pushing them a million steps back.

She was never ready with any of them. Not since Kibum, not since Donghae.

There were many holes to fill when each one of them ended; holes Changmin came to fill again, whether he wanted to or not.

For that, she was beyond grateful and amorous. More than he would ever know. And when his arm slipped naturally around her waist, she knew that she would love to tell him (show him) that fact one day.

On the other hand, Changmin was pretty sure Im Yoona was very likely insane and a tomboy to boot as he listened to her snort at a picture from a while back. Her hair was a beautiful mess, cascading down her shoulder and his when she leaned onto him to whisper a random quip she heard that day.

She was so odd at times, not like the perfect woman he’d always imagined he would fall for. But that was irrelevant now.

Her declarations, every single _I love you_ , no matter that he'd expected them, still took his breath away. And with those words, he had decided a long time ago that he was perfectly okay with what she was, is or will be.

He wanted her, and that was it.

Of course, Shim Changmin hadn't stopped with his wise-ass attitude, his jokes, his scheming tricks on Kyuhyun and the others—however now he did them for the right reasons, for the benefit of all.

And no, he wasn't quite convinced where _he_ truly belonged, but Changmin knew one thing for sure. He knew that no matter where life took him after his rise to fame crashed and burned,

Yoona belonged _with_ him.


	11. the secret was out

When he came back from a filming in Shanghai, one that spanned for over a fortnight, he twirled her around in circles and held her tight. He told her how much he'd missed her, and _oh god_ , how he'd missed her.

Yoona had hold him she's missed him too, and she knew it was the truth and nothing but, because as she said it, she found herself pulling him _that_ much closer and inhaling the scent of him she had gotten so used to.

Changmin asked her if she'd get a coffee with him before practice started, and she agreed, because frankly there wasn't anything she would rather do than to be with him when it was possible. And it was, for now, while preparations for their company concert drew near and they were together for more reasons besides love.

They promenaded down Seoul, his red shirt indecisively matching her spring dress as they started towards a coffee shop with their managers tailing behind.

He stopped them in front of an intersection, shakily pointing at the clear, blue sky as if the end of the world itself was quivering in his hands.

“Yoona, look at me.”

Yoona did as he asked—unconsciously landing right into the security in his arms and the weight of his lips on hers. And she was gone, the past six, seven, eight, wondrous years of their whole relationship (from meeting to this very moment) flashed before her eyes.

 “Changmin, I...” Yoona had tears in her eyes, her lips parting slightly as she looked up at him, breathless and unaware of the crowd gathering in surprise.

He hated having to be the one to make her cry, but he pushed forward – ignoring the scandalous cries of their managers and the public as he pulled her towards him again.

The secret was out. And it was _all or none_.

“I don’t care if they know.” He told her, his lips brushing the words against her lips, “And I know you don’t either.”

She shook her head, laughing. “You’re right,” she whispered, tilting her head to kiss him again, “I don’t.”


	12. it was never the end

“Marry me, Yoona.” Changmin requested simply amidst the petals of colored paper fluttering around them, locking her in his arms by the end of the concert and in front of everyone who cared to look. “ _Marry me._ ”

Yoona took in everything about him, absorbing the line of his mouth, the set of his broad shoulders, the hollow of his throat—every little bit of minutia like ink on white paper. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she considered his request. Yoona was sure it would burst but didn’t move away from his touch.

She couldn’t have moved even if she tried, even if she had to.

Changmin held her surprised face and smiled, pressing a kiss on her forehead. He wanted to declare his love for his woman in a way he hadn't before; he wanted to do announce it in front of his friends and family.

He wanted his parents and sisters and the whole of SMTOWN (and hell, even their fans) to all be there. And they were, in one way or another, witnessing his proposal in a sea of lights and cheers.

He wanted her. He wanted her _in_ his family. He wanted her to be _his wife_.

“Yes!” Yoona shrieked, smiling as the tears streamed down her face – the mascara running against her porcelain cheeks with her cries of delight. She threw her arms around him, her tears staining heavily on Changmin’s shirt but he didn't care.

The one thing he had ever wanted (needed) had just come true.

He cracked one of his cheeky smiles as their friends and everyone finally noticed, brushing her cheek softly with one hand.

“ _Of course_ , I will, you idiot!” She affirmed once again, her voice muffling against his lips as she kissed him passionately. She kissed him over and over again, each kiss meaning more than the last.

From far off, they looked like two figures tangled with each other like an abstract sculpture, their euphoric laughter penetrating the loudest noises of the concert hall. It didn’t matter how many stopped and stood watching them kiss, taking pictures and gossiping to one another because none of them would have taken them away from each other any more.

The secret was out, _as it should be_ and it was perfect.

 

 

 

 

Once, Yoona had been waiting for an answer, and when Changmin showed up, she felt like she got another question. Yet, she was perfectly fine with that, because an answer meant the end.

And everyone knew that truly it was just the beginning, because nothing involving them ever really ended.   



End file.
